Past the Edge

May of '24 while on vacation with the kids, our 14 yr old, great swimmer, granddaughter got caught in a rip current while we were vacationing down on the FL panhandle.

So I went in after her...

I was both a Red Cross and Boy Scout trained Life Guard in my teens - but that was 50 years ago.

The May event is still too close and too raw to go into detail, but together, we both made it out.

She swam like a fish, but was starting to give up, "...Pops, I can't make it..." and I too was at my end.  It was only a deep commitment and love for her that kept me going. 

"...You've got this Arden, we're close...You can do it..."

Then and still now, I believe if either one of us were fighting it alone, it would have had a different ending.

And Thankfully, Arden was back in the water again later on!

We thoroughly investigated rip currents after the fact, and I can spot them quite accurately now, so we're more aware and better prepared!

And the guidance to swim sideways or perpendicular to the shore to get out of a rip current has gone from head knowledge to being an ingrained natural instinct now.

I've not spoken with Arden to query her thoughts and recollections about it...it might just be an old beach memory growing dim at this point.

But for me...it has generated a fair number of nightmares.  Thankfully, they're becoming less frequent now. 

I had another at 4:43am this morning - and I can't go back to sleep after them.  Which triggered writing this post.

And it might appear a bit melodramatic to write this way about an event from nearly a year ago.

But for me, if you've ever been there, you know the feeling...

It is the only time in my life where I knew I had crossed the edge - into an area where life looks very closely upon death.

Let the adventure continue... 

Something I'm Not Telling My Wife...

Judy and I both deeply committed to "no drama and no secrets" when we got married.  It's worked out pretty well for the last 49 years...

And being her Superman, I also convinced her that Kryptonite is the only thing that can hurt me...I think she might still believe that!

But recently, there might be something which I have not mentioned to her...

I saw a training video a while back on operating big equipment and the instructor talked about always maintaining three points of contact, two feet and one hand, or two hands and one foot as you climb in or out of equipment.

I've always been very active and reasonably agile, so it sounded like a pretty silly rule at the time.  And I'm still fairly active - for a 67 year old...

Although now, that safety guideline is starting to make more sense to me as I work around Windy Hill climbing ladders, climbing trees, cutting wood, climbing on equipment, jumping off trailers, you know, the normal stuff we all do.

After age 65, they started asking a new set of  geriatric questions at every Dr. visit.  They now include:

"...Have you fallen recently?   -> No..."

"...Are you afraid of falling?    -> No..."

And I'm truly not afraid of falling...

But I AM afraid about how long it might now take to heal if I did fall and something broke!  And even more so, the increased risk of that event triggering a downward health spiral, which we've witnessed firsthand with parents...

And so, I've started consciously using the 3 points of contact rule while working around Windy Hill. And I've not told Judy this, but...

I think I might be starting to slow down just a bit also...

...So maybe I'm keeping two secrets from her...

Let the adventure continue...

"...Don't Let The Old Man In..."

I've a new favorite song!

Toby Keith's "Don't Let The Old Man In".

There's actually two different videos of it on YouTube worth watching.  I think you'll like both.  This second is with Clint Eastwood.

Give them a listen, they're short...I'll wait! 

" ...Ask yourself how old would you be, if you didn't know the day you were born..."

What a perfect, thought provoking line!

Which begs the question: What is it that makes us "feel" like we're getting old?

 

Is it physical?

It's a given that our bodies age...even young Caleb at 2 months is sadly growing old.  It starts at the moment of birth.  The stop watch has started.

Our bodies start getting physically older the moment we're conceived, even though we might still be young and growing, we are still nearer to our end than the day we were born, or even since yesterday.

But we generally don't think about it that way, or feel it, nor even say we are getting old at the age of 2, or 8, or 10 - and for many even at 50.

And there are also many happy centenarians who don't say they "feel" old, even though their physical capabilities are nothing compared to an active 10 year old.

Or some might say they're "feeling" old because of their physical aches and pains".  But yet there are children with physical aches and continuing pain afflicting their bodies...and you seldom hear them say "I'm getting old".  So it's not necessarily an aging body, or even body pains that actually makes one old. 

So if not physical, then what does make us feel old?

Is it mental?

It's commonly said our actions follow our thoughts.  Just stop now and think of an idea...anything...

And oh, while you're starting to think about it, you are also a bit thirsty...

And right now is a great time for a glass of cold ice water, a nice coffee, or perhaps some sparkling water.  I'll wait while you go get it...

See, it's the thought!  Just mention getting thirsty, and our bodies go into action. And how about the whole yawn thing.  Start that at a get-together and everybody starts yawning!

This typical "thought -> action" cycle is one way that something appears to be real in our minds, or can make us "feel" the way we do.

   > They said this (an action)

   > I think they actually meant that (a thought)

   > Therefore I am going to act this way (an action)

It's often how Think -> Act works... 

So perhaps thinking that we are getting old might be triggered by something someone else said?  Maybe about our age, our physical movement, our looks, or more likely because we are simply "acting" old! 

It might even be like the songs says, because we over focus on our birth date?

When I go for a medical appointment, it's always "...Can you please confirm your name and birth date..."   And that birth date I share seems like soooo long ago, which no one ever said (but I'm positive they all think it)!!!

So it's likely feelings of getting old are actually being generated by what we - ourselves - think.  And as a result, our actions are based on how we think an old person should act...so in circular logic, we act that way just to prove to ourselves that we are getting old, so we then feel even older!

For many old guys, I think they actually like to act old and curmudgeonly as a rite of passage.  "After 70 years of living, I have a right to act this way...so get off my lawn!"

I looked up common nicknames for grumpy old men, which included "Grumpy Gus", "Old Curmudgeon", "Crabby", "Sourpuss", "Grouchy" and I think my favorite "Mr. Grumbles" because it still shows a little respect!

So act curmudgeonly and you'll be known as Mr. Grumbles, or perhaps Ms. Crabby.

But WE can do better! 

We must do better.  Our lives and personal happiness depend upon it!

Consider our actions?

I've read convincing arguments that the reverse of thought -> action can also be true.

Our actions can actually influence our feelings and in turn, our thoughts.

So Actions -> Feelings -> Thoughts...

Act happy, and you'll increase your feeling of happiness, and happy thoughts follow.

Accomplish a task and you'll feel successful, and as a result, think of yourself as being a success.

My understanding is one step of the widely accepted Cognitive Behavior Therapy is asking the client to articulate how a confident person, or one unafraid, or one in control might act in a certain situation.  And once they identify the desirable actions, to then go out and attempt acting that way.

Over time, their actions contribute to modifying their feelings, and that helps create more positive and normal thoughts about themselves. 

A part of AA is getting people to act as if they are sober, with their actions eventually modifying their feelings and then thoughts about themselves.

So maybe we need to stop thinking of our birth date, our frailty, and our pains...and adjust the focus of our thoughts and actions up and outside of ourselves.

And we can control our actions!

Simply by acting more gracious, kind and outgoing - others desire to be around us more...

Laugh a bit more, relax, loosen up, act like you enjoy life, and being alive - and you actually start enjoying life more...

Stop and actually ponder God's gift of nature around us - and you'll begin to see more and more of the loving hand of God surrounding you...

Actively look for the little things in life to be thankful for - and life becomes meaningful with more to live for...

And last, try - just try - to live one day without complaining...this may be the hardest of all! 

(And once successful - - try to achieve two days in a row!)

Perhaps, with a few changed actions we can actually start to be more full of life, experience more fun, more joy and happiness, and be way more enjoyable to be around, and we'll begin to feel younger again as a result...

And when you start to act and think that way, results begin to build upon results - and that's how lives are changed.

Sure, we're all going to die, but maybe we can live a little bit more while we're still alive...just act younger to start feeling younger.

And in the meantime, go listen to the song again...it will help you to start changing your actions - and perhaps your life!!!

Let the adventure continue...

The Ol' Bear

Someone once said "...Never speak ill of the dead..."

As children, we grew up in my grandparent's house. My Grandfather, born in 1900 was of the generation who lived through some of the worst periods in modern history.

His Dad died when he was young. So at 13, my Grandfather took over running the farm, becoming the sole provider, surviving through the Spanish Flu, WWI, the Stock Market crash, the Depression and then WWII...he experienced it all.

When we moved in, I was but 4, he was 60. He seemed terribly old at the time, but actually in years, he wasn't.  In fact, I'm now 68, so it would have been 8 years ago for me if our roles and lives were reversed.

He liked to call himself "...The Ol' Bear..." and it was appropriate.

My Grandfather was ever the authoritarian, with a 3 inch wide, 36 inch long leather razor strop hung on the kitchen wall to prove it. The type friendly old barber's used to sharpen straight razors, and mean old grandfathers used to sharpen mischievous children...

And I was full of the mischief!  I won't go into details - though there are some.  And I still today consider it child abuse.  A strop applied to the but-tox is painful, applied to the legs - it becomes memorable...

Some will never admit to hearing voices in their head.  But for me, even though he passed long ago, back when I was 16...his is the voice that has stayed in my head over the last 60 plus years...speaking, judging and correcting - though never invited, and never welcomed.

And I hated him for it...

Hate is such a strong emotional word.  An emotion I never thought existed within me.  But sometimes we have doors we just don't open, and dark corners we look away from.

Though memories and dark corners can sometimes be changed under the light of introspection...and with God's help...

But now, I have finally found peace with my memories of him. But only since retirement. Only since taking the time to reflect back over the details of the many adventures of life, the highs, the lows, the silly and the serious.

For so long, I saw only his meanness, which seemed constant...and the beatings - thankfully few, but so very memorable.

Though now in retrospect, as only one example, it was he and that strop which introduced me to the pain of lying, generating a life long commitment to never, ever lie again.

That single item has been foundational to my career, instilling a deep trust - somehow perceived by others - that I will never lie...no matter the consequences.

He instilled a work ethic, and a moral code with clear rights and wrongs, and a desire to better myself.

Hatred for him propelled me to prove I could be successful and drove me to never be satisfied.

But - I am satisfied now...

My soul is finally at peace...

At this point, if we were to ever meet again, perhaps I might even say "Thank you" for helping to shape who I am today.

Though perfect virtue is still a long way off, I'm better for having known him and even though beaten - my spirit was never defeated...

And the Ol' Bear...

Now that I've found peace, he seldom comes to visit anymore...

Let the adventure continue...